My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
