you have to choose: penises or morals?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
