Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
