Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize