I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
