my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
