i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
