dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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