Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have feelings that need drinking.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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