Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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