Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
