u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize