Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
