The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
