Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
