He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
