Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
