Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
