u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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