i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
