Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
