I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
