The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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