I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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