i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Still dying that you shit outside
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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