Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
