sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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