Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
