I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize