I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it's like heaven, but drunker
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
