Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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