Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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