My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
