found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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