I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
