I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
