I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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