i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
