I think my fart just growled at me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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