Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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