Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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