the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
