No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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