The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
