sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
