she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just threw up on my dentist
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
