I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
