Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
