dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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