Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
