It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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