Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There r osticjed everywhere
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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