All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
