So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize