you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Fuck appropriateness.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
