The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
