i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
