Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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