soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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