I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
