if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I love having hate sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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