THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
