She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
