i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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