You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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