That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And then my night got REAL pukey
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
