I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
